


Cheers to a better future

by solarpillar (solarwind)



Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 13:22:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3651903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solarwind/pseuds/solarpillar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Diary of Keisuke Takagi. Torn and not torn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cheers to a better future

**Author's Note:**

> Gift for xweetara. This isn't Lighter than breath that I promised, but something else that I ended up writing, please have this for now (I mean, it's still a Keisuke fic), I'll write it in a few more hours.

 

Dear Diary,

 

I’ll say it right now: I will not keep your pages. I will tear out my words with your pages, and nobody will read them. My sister told me that it would be a good idea to keep a diary, because she thought I look stressed but I wasn’t talking, and she wanted me to have some form of “emotional exorcism” and gave you to me.

 

What am I doing, talking to an inanimate object.

 

But she was right. I am stressed. Frustrated. Angry. And I really do have nobody to talk to. This is something that I have to shoulder myself, the way I see it. But since she gave me this diary, I guess I am no longer all by myself.

 

I love you so much.

 

If only I could be better.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

Yesterday was a start. I now have something to depend on, to look forward to. I still won’t keep any written pages, that is decided, but I now know that this emotional support will be invaluable to me in the future.

 

See, I am frustrated and angry at the society.

 

I am talking about bullying.

 

Obviously, society knows about it. It’s everywhere. You see it happen in the streets. In anime, manga, video games or novels, you see it too, like some ugly mirrors. You see it happen in your very school.

 

And you don’t do anything. Nobody does. Teachers don’t care. Police don’t interfere unless there is a murder, but more often it’s suicide, and then they only take note and that’s it, they still do nothing about it. A new kid becomes target and everything continues the exact same way as before.

 

I didn’t do anything. Until, today, that is.

 

I’m one of the lucky “normals”. That is, I am not bullied and I am not a bully. But I do see bullies and their victims everyday, and till this morning I felt like a complice, but it changed. I changed.

 

I found a small group of bullies (they are always in a group, these cowards), the smallest and the weakest that I know (but it’s not like that their damage doesn’t matter, that poor kid was hurt) and I called them out. They turned to me, I yelled at the victim to run and I fought them.

 

None of them knew remotely how to fight. Figures. It was always one-sided, what they did, and they never needed to learn to fight, because they picked on the weakest who would never fight back and used their number to their advantage, used the negligence of society to their advantage.

 

I beat them up good. They screamed and begged but I wasn’t letting them have any. Their victims begged them too, do you see them give mercy? I made sure to point that out, and I kept going until they could barely move. I also made sure that I didn’t break anything major, avoid hitting on their heads too hard, so they will live.

 

I felt good. I felt like a hero. I saved an innocent kid and punished the wicked.

 

But what then?

 

I have never seen anyone doing that, so I don’t know what happens next. Would teachers notice? Usually, when a victim retaliates, the victim is labeled as bully and punished by school staff, while the real bullies are allowed to continue their behaviors. But I was a passerby.

 

What would happen to me?

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

It’s been over a week, and nothing has happened to me. These bullies probably never told anyone. They must be ashamed, though I am not sure of what, that they were “bullied” in turn or that they feel remorse over what they did.

 

That was a good start. If I do this more often, more kids will be safe. The school will become safe.

 

Be the change, as they say.

 

I will be the change.

 

The change starts here.

 

Cheers to the better future (not that I am allowed to drink now, but cheers).

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

That was fun.

 

I haven’t talked to you for weeks, because I was busy. I’ve hunted so many bullies that I lost count. I don’t just hunt the wicked, I also made sure to help the weak, because else they will simply fall victims to other bullies. I introduced friends to these kids, so they will be under the protection of a group too. Bullies are like wild animals: they pick preys form the most vulnerable, which are often loners who are both physically and emotionally weak, and without a support network. How disgusting. By putting these same vulnerable individuals in a group, they become less likely to become targeted, as bullies are afraid that their friends might retaliate for them. I’ve taught some of the ex-victims survival skills that include fighting, but I didn’t want them to endanger themselves by fighting too much or get detained for “bullying” their bullies, so I made sure to encourage them bonding with adults such as their tutors or teachers, so when the fights are reported the adults will be more likely to be on their side, not the bullies’. I also taught them to smile more, to walk with back straight, to look like good kids, so when they get bullied again they won’t be dismissed because they look like bad kids, because adults think sweet kids are worth saving and bad kids are not.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

I don’t know what to say, to be honest.

 

Today, the boy I saved was a little different. Atsuro Kihara is his name.

 

Most victims were kind of… How to put it? Dull? Lackluster? They always had something missing, and are sad and to the verge of breaking. Quiet, almost unassuming, walk with head low and arms around the body.

 

Not this kid.

 

He was bright. As in, like a little sun. And he is loud. Won’t stop talking. And he wasn’t sad, he was smiling, and his smile is like stars. You can’t look at him and not like him.

 

He was still bullied, nonetheless.

 

Most of the victims I’ve saved are put in a little group of friends, but don’t want to stay my friend. This one? Practically a human puppy. It’s very different from the dependence kind of following me around, the kind where I seem like a living buoy. He genuinely liked me.

 

He genuinely liked people.

 

He was bullied. His parents left him to live alone in this country while they are in Unites States. He doesn’t have anyone here, not even a hired maid or something, and he’s still so optimistic. He trusts anyone.

 

He is pure. Immaculate. Even when living in a world so tainted, he isn’t. You’d think he would be fragile. He isn’t. He is still so lively, so innocent, so naive and full of hope for humanity.

 

I don’t deserve to be his friend.

 

Not like the other ex-victims didn’t deserve me or anything, but I never stayed their friends because they are not my type. They are saved, they won’t come with me to save people, to change the world with me.

 

Atsuro? He wants on right away.

 

I refused, of course.

 

It’s a dangerous duty. You have to be strong, or you get bullied in turn. Not to mention that it means seeing these scum everyday, until all you remember is them, soiling your mind.

 

I can’t let Atsuro in this.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

I messed up.

 

I got bullied.

 

This has never happened before.

 

I knew this would happen sooner or later: bullies always try to harm others, no matter what. Some learn to stay down once you beat the message into them. Some, not so easy to teach. These certainly are stubborn in their ways.

 

But he was with them.

 

He did it.

 

He lead them to me.

 

I saved him, yet he turned on me. He joined in the bullying and targeted me.

 

I can’t let my sister know.

 

I can’t let Atsuro know.

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

I royally messed up.

 

Bullies don’t fear me anymore. They took my suffering as sign that it was merely a matter of strength and not of right and wrong, and so many bullies whose behaviors I have culled and now back at their old sins, and even joined in to make me suffer. They rejoice and find joy in this. In making others suffer. As if they are doing something good.

 

Worse, not just them, others that I never knew were bullies joined in. I became the target of all targets. It was a popular activity to hurt me now.

 

Everything that I have done, for nothing.

 

It’s all gotten worse. Much worse.

 

And Atsuro. He looked so hurt, when he saw me wounded. I hope he doesn’t know the whole truth.

 

That kind of innocence was what I tried to protect in the first place, wasn’t it? His genuine concern for everybody, for those nice to him… He is much like my sister. I never knew a boy could be like this.

 

He must be protected at all cost.

 

I won’t talk to him anymore, not even via emails. Hopefully he won’t be targeted if they don’t know he’s with me.

 

He’s not with me, anyway.

 

I can’t taint him with my presence.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

Wow, it’s certainly a while since I’ve written a page, isn’t it?

 

Tokyo is locked down right now. Nobody can get out.

 

You can never guess why: demons.

 

It’s like something right out of a movie or an anime, but real. And unlike fictions, reality is much more complex, and filthier.

 

Few days ago, while hiding from bullies, a man named Naoya handed me a COMP. Demons came out of it, but I didn’t think too much about it. I knew they existed. They must. Gods and demons, they are all real.

 

Suprana, a law-aligned bird demon, has helped me much in my survival. Its gaze can paralyze and petrify. Its wings are strong enough to carry me. And it’s not my only demon companion. Calling them demons do them much injustice, for they are all concerned with justice and law, as much as I do.

 

For first time since so long, I have partners. I should feel grateful, don’t I?

 

I’m not. Naoya… something is fishy about him. It’s pandemonium here, things get smashed and people get hurt. He had power to control demons, yet he let this happen? Is he behind this? Is this what he wanted?

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

This is bad.

 

Atsuro is here.

 

That Atsuro. Yes. Him. It is indeed him, he hasn’t changed at all. He was so concerned for me.

 

And he has friends. The boy looks good, the knight type, it seems. He’ll protect Atsuro for me. For the little time they have left.

 

Why?

 

Why must Atsuro’s life be so short?

 

Mine won’t be much longer. But Atsuro…

 

His death clock.

 

Why?

 

God, why?

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

There is a god.

 

Atsuro didn’t die.

 

He survived.

 

This is a miracle, and I am glad.

 

Thank you.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

I thought Atsuro and my sister are the only ones of that kind I would see. I was wrong.

 

This girl, Midori, so naive and full of love and justice and so willing to jump into any situation to save others, without regards for her own safety. Full of bright smile, like a female and dumber Atsuro.

 

So much like my old self, isn’t she? And so much like my sister, too, though mine is not as reckless.

 

Atsuro has a knight.

 

I must be hers.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

Please let her be alright.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

Atsuro sure is kind, and he is competent too. He brought his friends to save us.

 

I’m so proud of you, Atsuro.

 

Out of all people that I have saved from bullies, you are the best.

 

You are the one that was meant to be saved.

 

And his friend, what is his story?

 

He looks a lot like Naoya…

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

I am blessed.

 

Yama is here with me.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

I messed up again.

 

And Atsuro, oh, sweet Atsuro, he is still ever so kind. I would be dead if not for him and his friends.

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

Kazuya, that friend of Atsuro, really is something. Not only he was able to change his own fate, but that of others, too. I am only alive thanks to him. This might be a bit weird, but that is what the Bible meant by shepherd of people, isn’t it?

 

A kind, wise, brave shepherd, leading us to safety.

 

I like him. I can see why Atsuro likes him so much.

 

I am a little jealous, to be honest. Atsuro is like a puppy around Kazuya, and is treated as such. The way Kazuya pats and scratches Atsuro’s head…

 

If I survive, I should get a puppy.

 

Probably won’t name it Atsuro, though.

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

Why?

 

That Naoya… I knew I could not trust him.

 

But that naive Atsuro…

 

I can’t save him anymore.

 

I don’t know what is worse, walk away from them or stay with them, but I am not helping them with that.

 

I hope it turns out that they are right and I am wrong, and that Atsuro and Kazuya would be safe.

 

But how can they be right?

 

They try to kill god.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

They are succeeding.

 

I don’t know. I still can’t, won’t join them.

 

The world they want… Is not what I want.

 

I don’t want to be selfish, so I won’t stop them.

 

But I can’t join them, because that is not a path of my choosing.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

You don’t have many pages left, do you?

 

It’s been a while. The world is back to normal, for better or for worse. Atsuro looks fine. Kazuya is still fighting god as the demon overlord. Midori and my sister are fine.

 

If Kazuya comes back, I should visit them.

 

Or maybe not.

 

I abandoned them, after all.

 

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

He’s back.

 

The world is still normal.

 

I was wrong, perhaps.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Diary,

 

 

This is your last page, I won’t tear this off.

 

After all, this page, at least, will be happy memories. It’s like a good ending, and worth to be preserved.

 

Atsuro invited me to a pool party.

 

At last minute, Naoya decided it would be a beach party, and we got dragged off to some tiny island he purchased with Shomonkai money and that he expanded with black magic or something, not sure what was going on. There was a weird creep there that I vaguely remember seeing in the lockdown, I should know that bad fashion sense anywhere (purple suit, really?) but I can’t remember. Naoya kicked him out mid-party anyway, but remembered to throw a bag of goodies on the boat first. Are they friends?

 

But it’s all good.

 

Life’s still good.

 

And weird.

 

(Why are both Kazuya and Atsuro on Naoya’s lap like a cat and a puppy? Why is there a bottle of lube and two packs of condoms in the bedroom nightstand? Why is Kazuya kissing Naoya? Aren’t they cousins?)

 

But I had fun. We fished for flying fish with torches and webs, combed the beach for agates and jaspers as well as strange seashells, had pillow fight and got drunk with weird cocktails.

 

And most of all, Kazuya… seems serene. Same as in the lockdown, full of humanity and friendliness. According to Atsuro, his look changed somewhat in the last day of the lockdown, almost evil, but he’s much better now.

 

I want this happiness to go on. So, I won’t write any closure or conclusion here. There isn’t. Life keeps going and there’s only end when end comes, and if that comes, I won’t be able to write it here anyway.

 

But this, I want to mention.

 

Somebody launched a program that prevents and ends bullying in schools, targeted not only at students but also at parents and teachers, to increase awareness and treat the problem as a system rather than individual cases. Their fliers are everywhere now. Maybe next batch of students will be able to do fine, without the need of a hero, but with help of educators.

 

And, with any luck, goodness will be passed on, and become the new normal.

 

Cheers to that future.

 

 


End file.
